Phew, a bit personal, but you're welcome to read.
even though tonight brings an exciting game, and tomorrow is a holiday, and God forgives, I have a heavy heart at the moment. I can't say why.
At the moment I am marking books and getting ready for the evening service at St. Andrew's Church, home to my spiritual family since I moved here. Its an Anglican Church and I was confirmed as a member of the Anglican communion about a year ago. Bishop Thomas See put his hands on my head and prayed.
I get alot of blessing and help there. I serve in the worship team playing the Congas, the guitar and singing harmonies for the worship leader as part of the Backing band. Quite funky music sometimes and I always look forward to that.
I also sometimes go to midweek meetings of a meditative prayer group, where we all stumble into the 100 year old gothic building after slaving at work and quietly pray for a few hours. An then there's a home group, we gather at the vicarage and study, pray, sing then eat. I've really let the midweek things slide though and am finding it hard to get to Church on Sunday too.
I know I'm becoming quite cold hearted. I can't blame Hong Kong, or work, or anything else, I just feel like something is slipping away from me a bit. I'm settling into a chilly indifference to most of the things that my friends and family value. The only thing I feel motivated to do is simplify and streamline my life as much as possible.
I'm doing many deeply stupid things, regularly, and can't seems to do what I know I should be doing. I know this is the common experience of all people, especially Christians, who have Jesus as a standard. But I'm losing sight of the standard and my tempariture is cooling to match the level of my surroundings. Gosh.
OK, back to my books.
At the moment I am marking books and getting ready for the evening service at St. Andrew's Church, home to my spiritual family since I moved here. Its an Anglican Church and I was confirmed as a member of the Anglican communion about a year ago. Bishop Thomas See put his hands on my head and prayed.
I get alot of blessing and help there. I serve in the worship team playing the Congas, the guitar and singing harmonies for the worship leader as part of the Backing band. Quite funky music sometimes and I always look forward to that.
I also sometimes go to midweek meetings of a meditative prayer group, where we all stumble into the 100 year old gothic building after slaving at work and quietly pray for a few hours. An then there's a home group, we gather at the vicarage and study, pray, sing then eat. I've really let the midweek things slide though and am finding it hard to get to Church on Sunday too.
I know I'm becoming quite cold hearted. I can't blame Hong Kong, or work, or anything else, I just feel like something is slipping away from me a bit. I'm settling into a chilly indifference to most of the things that my friends and family value. The only thing I feel motivated to do is simplify and streamline my life as much as possible.
I'm doing many deeply stupid things, regularly, and can't seems to do what I know I should be doing. I know this is the common experience of all people, especially Christians, who have Jesus as a standard. But I'm losing sight of the standard and my tempariture is cooling to match the level of my surroundings. Gosh.
OK, back to my books.
posted by Mr.Thomas at 14:14
3 Comments:
There are times when things are cold, and maybe I lose sight of what life is all about. Sometimes the things we do, like the stupid ones, can skew our perception (just the way Satan likes it). Even the things we do at church, we start seeing them as things we need to do and maybe...we might forget the purpose. I want to encouarge you to spend time focusing on God's attributes. Sometimes what kicks me back in is music. Not just any, the kind that help put you back into perspective. Jennifer Knapp's music has helped me in the past. I actually have two mp3s available to download, if you want them. Uh...I just need your e-mail addy.
I don't know if it is a case of spiritual crisis or that you are dissatisfied with certain areas of your life. But the way I motivate myself and identify the things that matter to me is to ask myself "When I am old, what do I want to remember about my life and what I have achieved?" My answer is that I don't want to remember that I spent long hours at my job or forced to spend time with people I don't like who come naturally into my life. I don't want regrets. I want to spend time with my family. I want my friends and family to know that I love them through the things I do or say. I want to know where I come from. I want to have a better grasp of the language my parents use in order that I can communicate with them on a deeper level. I want to travel the world. I want to make a difference by having lived. I want to be a positive influence in other people's lives.
These are my immediate responses to my inner question and in time they will change as I accomplish each one and move on in life. But this is the question I ask myself when I am unsure of the next stage or actions in my life. Ask yourself this question and see what you come up with. You may come up with things that are hard to do but ultimately the goal is worth it. Possibly you can't see what you're working towards. Once you know what your goals are, the work towards them will be easier.
Thanks dear friends, new and old, for posts and emails. Friends are the best.
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